he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
