I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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