she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
