I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
