Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
