i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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