Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
