This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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