Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
