We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
