May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
