First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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