Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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