dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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