How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
