I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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