wanna go halves on a baby?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
