Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
