Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
