i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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