I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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