Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
wanna go halves on a baby?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
