so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
