I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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