Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
