now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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