We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize