I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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