wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
