Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
