Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
