Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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