CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize