in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
