I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
