so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
