Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
