have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
