My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
