Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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