For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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