talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize