you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
