I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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