Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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