His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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