Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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