just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
