I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
