Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize