Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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