So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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