I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
