You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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