Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
