Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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