I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize