Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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