champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
