i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
