I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize