how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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