I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize