she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You are the jesus of drinking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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