it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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