I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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