capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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